Coca-Cola Disqualified From The Soft Drink Olympics After Failing A Drug Test.
London. After an astounding victory at the 2087 Soft Drink Olympics, rumors were started claiming Coke was using drugs during the event.
Last night, after being examined by Dr Pepper, a former Olympic gold medal winner, it was confirmed that Coke was indeed using cocaine during the event. Coke’s sponsors have declined to comment saying they are investigating the incident.
Pepsi, a long-time rival of Coke, had this to say after the announcement, “I’m glad he finally got caught, he has treated this event with nothing but disrespect. Mountain Dew and I will finally get a chance to shine.”
Officials at the Olympics said they will be taking away all 12 gold medals that Coke has won and disqualifying him from all future events. His wife, Vanilla Coke, was saddened by the news and promised to stand by her husband no matter what. His son, Diet Coke, will be taking his place at all future games.
Now that the Olympics are over, the Soft Drink Paralympics, sponsored by SodaStream, will start in the next few months, with Diet Orange Soda a fan favorite to win.
In other news, the Beer Olympics were postponed after all the participants showed up drunk to the event.
- The Daily Informant